I would like to share with you a “whisper” which I received just a couple weeks ago. To do this I have to share with you my story, my whole story, a story that I don’t often share. I am not embarrassed to share it, but it is a difficult story to share.
I don’t remember much from the first few years of my life. I’m sure I cried a lot and made my mom change a bunch of dirty diapers, but memories from this time just simply do not come to mind. However, I can tell you that when I was only two years old my mom left my biological father. She likes to tell me the story about her little two year old boy who stood up to his father, screaming “Don’t hit my mom!”, as he came after her with a bat the night she found out he was cheating on her and she decided to leave him. My mom married again and I had a new father, though my biological father still had joint custody. While I do not remember any of these occurrences, I do know that there were times where I stayed with my biological father and his new wife and twin boys. When I was about six or seven, it was discovered that my biological father had been sexually molesting the twins. At this my mother was given sole custody and my biological father had to sign over his rights of me. Through the years my new dad, the man who raised me, was a good dad, even giving me three brothers and a sister to play with. We did all the fun father-son stuff and he took care of me and my siblings like a father should, but by my senior year in high school things took a turn for the worst.
My mother had stopped smoking several years before and came to the point where she did not want him smoking in the house. So he set up a place out in our carport where he spent most of his time. If he wasn’t sleeping or working he was out in the carport. He quit spending much time with us as he was always out in the carport. This caused a chasm to build between my parents and my mom decided to once again leave my dad. There was no need for me to stand up to this father, but unfortunately his anger turned toward me. He blamed me for the divorce, saying that I talked my mom into leaving him. I never talked to him again in 8 years. Shortly after the divorce he even lost contact with my siblings. Unfortunately, about three weeks ago, Greg Brumley found himself in the hospital on life support for about a week and his life ended on January 19, 2011. The loss of my father didn’t really affect me as we had been so estranged over the past 8 years, but unfortunately my brothers had taken a negative approach to dealing with the loss. In their anger over his neglecting us, they came to feel that it served him right, that he had brought it on himself, and they were not dealing with the real feeling of loss for their father. It was in the conversation I had with my youngest brother that God once again whispered some wisdom to me. This is the whisper I would like to share with you today.
That “whisper” was about the direct connection between our relationships with our fathers and our relationship with God. In my discussion with my brother, God revealed to me that because these relationships are directly related, Satan looks to destroy the bond between a father and child because in so doing he can also destroy the bond between the heavenly Father and his children. If you have a bad experience with your earthly father, then the chances are slim for the idea of God being your Father to appeal to you. This realization brings with it two instructions; one for fathers obviously, but the second is for their children.
For those who are fathers, or plan on being fathers some day, it is imperative that we do a good job because we are or will be the earthly image of God as Father. Ephesians 6:4 sums it all up: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Fathers are given the direct instruction not to infuriate or enrage their children, because in so doing they will warp a child’s image of a father thus warping their image of God. By destroying a relationship with his children, a father literally destroys the relationship with his children and God. Instead, fathers are called to bring up and build up their children in the ways of the Lord, and by doing so a child’s relationship with God can grow exponentially. A father is the first rung in the ladder that leads to a relationship with God. So we can see how important it is for fathers to stay strong in their faith and be diligent in rearing their children. But the burden doesn’t fall solely on the father.
Back up a few verses and you will find that Ephesians 6:1-3 tells us “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Not much I can really say to sum that up, it’s pretty straight forward. But this cannot always be done, as in my case where both of my fathers failed to do as they were instructed. I know you’re thinking “But Zach you seem to have a good view of God as Father. You seem to have a pretty good relationship with God.” Some of you might even be thinking to yourself “My dad didn’t hold up to his end of the bargain either, and I’m not sure I care too much for the image of God being my Father. What can I do to fix that?” Forgiveness. About three days before my dad actually died God came to me with another “whisper.” As I lay in bed trying to sleep He told me I needed to forgive my father for how he had hurt my mother, how he had hurt my siblings, and for blaming me for it all. I prayed to God right then and there and told Him I forgave my dad, and as soon as I did a huge burden had lifted. By forgiving a bad father and giving up that pain you hold because of that relationship, Satan loses his foothold in tearing apart your relationship with God. When you no longer have a bad image of a father, God can show you what a real father should be like, and that He has been that for you the whole time.
I realize that this whole time I talked about the importance of the father-child relationship, but that is only because of the dominance of the image of God as our Father in the Bible. The reality of it is however, that God can be whatever to whomever as is needed in a given situation. What I mean is that if someone is in a situation and they need a mother figure, God can be a mother figure. If someone is in a situation where they need a brother, then He can be a brother. Sister, friend, grandparent, whatever; God can and will be whatever you need Him to be. I bring this up to say that in reality all relationships are important, because a bad relationship creates a bad view of what God is. So while my main focus was on fathers, there is a lesson to be learned by everyone. Be careful about how you handle your relationships because in them you are being an illustration of God.
